Running at the Mouth

Mike Brady: Richest Broke Guy in TV History

CNNMoney.com has a piece on what TV dads would earn in real life, relying on a survey by Salary.com of 60 characters from present and past shows that lists their real-life salaries in 2006 dollars.  They had to make some assumptions and fudges, naturally, but overall it's pretty interesting.

What really troubled me, though, was this:  Mike Brady would earn only $44,064 (in 2006 dollars) as an architect.  On that kind of money, how the hell was he able to support a wife, 6 kids and a full-time housekeeper?  (As a side note, I maintain that Brady had the coolest boss of all-time; how many bosses would pay for your wife, all six of your kids, and your housekeeper to vacation in Hawaii?)  Either our standard of living has cataclismically dropped since 1969, or the Brady's lived in an alternate universe where everything was basically free.  (I think others have written about this TV phenomenon as well, e.g., young twenty-something Manhattanites with jobs like "coffee house waitress," "unemployed actor," and "unemployed chef" being able to afford spacious, well-appointed uptown lofts, perhaps on contrarian lefty e-rag Slate.)

I mean, I by myself make more than Brady, so does my wife, we have no kids, and we can barely afford to go to the drycleaners and the grocery store in the same week.  And people worry about TV promoting questionable morals and giving girls body image problems?  How about TV making young professionals believe that, now that they're out of college, they can afford to stop eating Top Ramen four nights a week and live on a palacial estate?

Thunder Thunder! THUNDER!!

The first season of the seminal cartoon Thundercats has been released on DVD.  (Link via Hip Clicks.)  Honestly, I don't really care, but it gives me an excuse to link to these Thundercats outtakes, which make me laugh hard enough to soil myself.   Very NSFW, and you should under no circumstances listen if you're offended by foul language.  'Cause there's a lot of it.

Miami Ink: You Should Be Watching It

The wife and I have been thoroughly enjoying the new series Miami Ink on The Learning Channel.  Basically, these four guys from New York moved to Miami Beach and opened up a custom tattoo shop.  TLC chronicles their daily trials and tribulations, and showcases the kick-ass ink they lay on their customers.  Last night, artist Chris Nuñez Darren Brass did a pirate ship that is about the coolest thing I've ever seen; unfortunately, Chris's gallery isn't up yet on Darren's gallery on TLC's Miami Ink page doesn't include the pirate ship (ingrates!), or I'd have a picture of it here.  (Actually, the whole reason for this post was to put up a picture of the pirate ship.  I was halfway done before I bothered to check to see if it was available, then couldn't bring myself to trash the whole post when I found out it isn't up yet.  So I'm both lazy and stupid.)  Anyway, it was something like this, but, with all due respect, way cooler.

The bottom line is that these guys are entertaining, funny and phenomenal artists.  The show is well worth the hour of your time just to see how the tats come out.

UPDATE:  Darren Brass did the pirate ship, not Nuñez.  Loose sh*t.

WATFO*, Celebrity Edition

1. Courtney Love has been cast to play Linda Lovelace in the upcoming biopic.
2. Whitney Houston is in rehab.  Again.
3. A rap artist calling himself "C-Murder," a convicted murderer, lost his latest appeal.
4. The Ashton Kutcher vehicle Guess Who sucks.

At this rate, I fully expect Bronson Pinchot to show up on The Surreal Life.  What?  That, too, has happened?  Shit.

The Origin of "Blog"

Okay, so I was just watching Scooby Doo.  It was the one with Dick Van Dyke as the guest star.  Dick buys a carnival which is, of course, "haunted" by bad guys in iridescent paint who want Dick to sell cheap.  Anyway, at one point Dick is being menaced by the Strongman Ghost in front of a booth boasting "Blog the Magnificent Ferret!  Ten feet tall, weighing 24 stone!"

I'm not sure which I liked more; that the ferret's name was "Blog" or that his weight was measured in stone.

RIP Jerry Orbach

Longtime Broadway and television actor Jerry Orbach died last night.  He was 69 years old.  He made Lenny Briscoe my favorite Law & Order character, and Dennis Farina can't carry his jockstrap in a suitcase.  What I didn't know was that he voiced the cheerful candlestick in Beauty and the Beast.

Wish It Were Sooner

The NYT reports that Conan O'Brien will take over the Tonight show from the catastrophically unfunny Jay Leno. In 2009. So if you actually want to, you know, laugh, tune in in five years.

ASIDE: Does anyone remember how bad Conan was his first year on TV? I was a freshman in college during his first season, and Josh from Atlanta and I used to marvel at how badly he sucked. Then he found his rhythm the next season and made everyone remember that he was the guy who wrote Marge vs. The Monorail. An inspiring success story.

I'm Not Buyin' It

I've watched both new episodes of Law & Order tonight, and I say this to Dennis Farina:

I know Jerry Orbach. Jerry Orbach is a friend of mine. And you, sir, are no Jerry Orbach.

DISCLAIMER: I don't really know Jerry Orbach.

TiVO Alert

Seinfeld marathon on Monday on TBS. Forecast for Casa de Dogblog: more bedsores.

Fox Ensures Low Ratings

Fox has unveiled three new shows for this fall, one centered around a Hawaiian beach resort (to which so many can relate), one involving teenage quintuplets (not actual quints, but playing them on TV) and Andy Richter, and one in which two black rap artists move to a neighborhood full of old white people and hilarious hijinks ensue. You know, as much as I hate reality shows it's easy to see why networks are beating them into the ground. I'd rather watch "Touch the Stove" or "Animal Survivor" than this tripe.

Aside: The AP reporter who penned this article really dropped the ball. He pretty much insults the new shows throughout the piece, right? And twice, including the opening sentence, he mentions old adages he learned from his grandmother. How did he not use "bad things come in threes?" That should have been his lede.