Running at the Mouth

Your Chance to Beat Lance

Lance Armstrong will run the New York Marathon on November 5.  Lance's roots are as a triathlete, so he's no stranger to running, but I don't think he'll qualify for the Olympic Trials or anything.  On the other hand, he seems to be unusually determined, so he could surprise with a 2:40 or so. 

In any event, Lance crossing over will be good for the event and good for the sport.  I laud the NYRRC for this coup.  Lance did in cycling what American distance runners have been unable to do -- consistently beat the world's elites.  He's like the Geb or Tergat of cycling:  the superman who made his elite competitors look like mere mortals chasing a god.  I think that Lance will make some junior high and high school kids (our future stars, in other words) think that running is cool and inspire them to try it.

Sure, he'll draw some attention away from the guys up front.  But he'll also draw attention to the event as a whole--and not as a charity runner, or a hard-luck story, but as an elite athlete saying: this is a challenge.  That's a good thing.

Happy Easter!

Actually, not really.  Because the Easter Bunny hates you.

Five at Five

1. David Spade is reportedly dating Heather Locklear.  There is no God.
2. EDSBS has an exclusive report on Urban Meyer's continuing troubles at Starbucks.  It's just like you would find in The Onion, except, you know, funny.
3. First, this is one of the great blog post titles of all time.  Second, it links to a really cool article about sharks, which both fascinate and utterly terrify me.
4. Tattoo lesson of the day:  If you're going to get foreign characters permanently affixed to your skin, either be fluent in that language or rely on a trustworthy source (i.e., not the guy about to give you the tattoo).  Otherwise, go with a picture.

   The now-defunct and wildly underrated sitcom "Committed" had a bit about this.  The TBC (token black character, formerly of "Family Matters, by the way, who brought nothing to the table) had a chinese tattoo that he thought meant "fiery strength."  Until the chinese food delivery guy informed him that it actually meant "little bitch."  He ultimately resolved the situation by having the tattoo modified to read "lemon chicken," his favorite chinese dish.

5. Finally, this post is the primary reason why I added Go Fug Yourself to my blogroll.  Best takedown of Sharon Stone evah.

If You Don't Stop Laughing, I'll Give You Something to Cry About

What the hell is wrong with German people?

After joggers complained that Joachim Bahrenfeld was disturbing the peace, a German court ordered the 54-year-old accountant to stop laughing out loud in the woods.

"It's part of living for me, like eating, drinking and breathing," Bahrenfeld said, telling ananova.com that he headed to the woods after work and on weekends for a good belly laugh. "I feel much better when I laugh. It's freeing and healthy."

Unfortunately, it's no longer a laughing matter: He faces a fine or six months in jail if he laughs out loud again.

It's not clear whether Bahrenfeld was laughing at the runners, himself, or just laughing like a loon.  I'm also not completely buying that the only thing he was doing out in the woods was laughing.

Pre at the 1973 LA Times Mile

Excellent video here, including a post-race interview, of Steve Prefontaine winning the LA Times indoor mile in 1973.  The track was 160 meters and not particularly fast (according to lore).  Many top milers of the time were there, including Marty Liquori (who finished 3rd).  Unbelievably, Pre led the entire race.  It's difficult to win a high school race when you lead the whole thing, let alone a race against the classy competition that Pre beat that day.

I was also struck by the post-race interview; that Prefontaine doesn't quite fit the "brash, cocksure rebel" image that Nike and Hollywood portray.  The Pre in that interview, and others included in the great documentary "Fire on the Track," seems humble and level-headed.  He was just being honest.  Of course, it may be that what was considered cocky in 1973 would be positively polite by today's standards, as the public hadn't been subjected to the likes of today's jackasses.

Finally, Pre's time was more than respectable.  Even today, he could more than hang with the very best in the world.  In this year's Millrose Games (same-sized track), Bernard Lagat won the mile in 3:56, with Kenenisa Bekele in second in 4:01.  At last year's Millrose Games, Lagat won in 3:52, with Laban Rotich and Alan Webb finishing second and third, respectively, in 4:00.  And, unlike Lagat and Webb, the mile was never Pre's specialty.

Since 9th grade, Pre has been a hero of mine.  This race shows why.

Confidence

The White Sox may have knocked Cleveland out of the playoffs last year, and they may be the reigning World Champs, but last year was last year.  This year, the Tribe owns the head-to-head record so far this season after grabbing those bastard White Sox and pounding them into little, pathetic shards at the New Comiskey.  The Indians saw the White Sox coming, and they were all like, "Hey, what's up, bitch?"  And the Sox were all "Not much, sir."  And the Indians were all "That's right, bitch!  Now go make me a sandwich!" 

This season, they have that confidence.

Bi-Pedal Dog

Video of Faith, a bi-pedal, walking-upright dog.  She can stand up on her own and everything.

I shit you not.

Headline of the Day

Spider-hunting nudist ends with ring of fire.

Click the link.  You won't regret it.

Paul Verhoeven Makes Shitty Movies, Blames Bush

"Basic Instinct" and "Showgirls" director Paul Verhoeven believes that his movies either don't get made or don't make any money not because they suck, but because George W. Bush is our President:

"Anything that is erotic has been banned in the United States," said the Dutch native. "Look at the people at the top (of the government). We are living under a government that is constantly hammering out Christian values. And Christianity and sex have never been good friends."

George, you magnificent bastard, where do you find the time?  On top of conducting a war and leading the free world, you still find time to save us from more crap like "Showgirls."  For that, we as a people are in your debt.  (And I'm not even going to get into the brilliance of Verhoeven's first statement; as anyone even passingly familiar with the Internet knows, it's impossible to find anything erotic whatsoever in cyberspace.)  Perhaps Verhoeven should go back to his home country, where he can make any kind of film he wants without fear of reprisals by religious groups.

Some producers get it, though, like Mark Damon and JC Spink:

[Damon] stopped producing sex-steeped dramas because "I didn't find any scripts that were worth producing. The genre had exhausted itself."

* * * *

For producer JC Spink, the genre's demise has little to do with politics, scripts or willing talent and everything to do with the Internet, which became ubiquitous in American homes around the same time studio executives were suffering through such debacles as "Body of Evidence," "Showgirls" and "Jade."

"Why pay $10 to see something at the movies that you can see for free on the Internet?" Spink asked. "I think the genre is suffering because sex is more pervasive in our society now than it was 10 years ago, from Vanity Fair ads to reality TV. I mean, there's porn stars on reality TV."

Amen, brother.  If I want to see a stranger's cooch, I can do that in the privacy of my own home for nothing.  Even 47 year-old cooch like Sharon Stone's (not that I'd want to, but if that's your thing there are websites out there specializing in that type of action).

UPDATE:  Dave at Garfield Ridge has similar thoughts, which are much more thorough than my own.

Compare and Contrast

Raeshon Powers-Neal, 22 years old and fifth-year senior starting fullback for the University of Notre Dame, is cited for DUI on October 8, 2005.  He is suspended by the University for the rest of his final season, including the Fiesta Bowl.

Alex Boone, 18 years old and freshman starting tackle for Cheatypants McSweatervest's O$U Buckeyes, is cited for DUI on April 2, 2006.  Boone will not miss any practices or any games.  [Link via Everyday Should Be Saturday.]