Running at the Mouth

Lessons From the Golden Flash Gala: I'm Old. And Slow.

I ran the Mile and the 3,000M at this weekend's Golden Flash Gala indoor track meet at Kent State University.  You can see my abysmal results here.  It was the first time I had raced indoors since early 1993, and I would say I ran like it.  My first race was the Mile, and I got absolutely housed.  I ran 4:46 and came in 10th out of 15 runners.  I think that's the first time I've ever finished in the bottom third of anything in my life.  The race seemed so fast.  Before I knew what happened, it was over; quite a big change from the 1/2 marathon and marathon.

I came back stronger in the 3,000M, though, clocking a 9:34 and coming in 10th out of 20.  I also accomplished something else I never did in high school:  I beat former Akron Buchtel standout and 3,200M state champion Carlos Jones.  We talked after the race.  He's a terrific guy, and just trying to get back into competitive shape -- not unlike myself (the second part, not the terrific guy part; I'm an a-hole).

My running partner said it best, though:  we did alright considering we were at least 10 years older than our competition, and have full-time jobs and families.  When you're 19 years old and in college, what do you have to do besides train?  (Drink and get laid.  Duh. -- Ed.)  When you look at it that way, we didn't do all that bad.

I Accept

Attorney-blogger-friend-member of the Academy (which Academy?  I don't know.)  Don Burton, an OSU graduate, has slapped me with his blog-gloves over the impending Fiesta Bowl matchup our respective law school alma maters.  He's thrown down the gauntlet, and I'm doing whatever it is one is supposed to do with the discarded gauntlet to accept the challenge.

Don has graciously staked this lovely jogging Brutus Buckeye (though I'm trying to figure out why Brutus is wearing black leather gloves; did he rob A.J. Hawk's apartment right before posing for the statue or what?), which will, indeed, look great in my office after Notre Dame wins.  In the unlikely event that Notre Dame has to forfeit the game, giving the victory to the Suckeyes, I will purchase for Don's office this breathtaking helmet figurine, so he finally has something to distract the attention from the fez and MST3K magnets that currently adorn his shelf and wall.  And, just because it's funny as hell, I'll throw in this Lou Holtz doll (even though it's Holtz in his Arkansas days).

The fact is, I could stake pretty much anything, since this bet is such a sure thing.  I mean, the only way Jesus lets his Mother's University lose its 11th straight bowl game is if he's still pissed off about The Shirt.  He's got to be over that by now, doesn't He?